She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
