I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
