Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's like iHOP with fire
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
