I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
