i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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