If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
