i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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