I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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