You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
