look no pants
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
