i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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