we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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