you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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