I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
