My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
