Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize