hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
