My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Found your dick twin last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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