We won't sleep together?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
