haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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