I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize