Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
