he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
