he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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