Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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