im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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