Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
