I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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