remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
