Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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