Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize