I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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