I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
