I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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