Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
