First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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