Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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