Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
