In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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