this just has baby written all over it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
