I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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