I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
