I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
