How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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