i can't believe i had my finger in that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize