you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
