Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
