Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
