I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
