I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
