How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
