mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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