evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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