The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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