White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
