sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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