Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
