i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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