I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
