Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
