I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
