I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
