Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize