According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
