I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
