I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
