Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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