There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
