New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
