Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
