I think im going to throw up on grandma
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
