I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
