Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
