im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
