FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
