i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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