Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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