I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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