Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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