the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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