Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I smell stomach acid.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
