My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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