I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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