How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Randomize
