sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
