Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
