If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
