my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
