How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
