just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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