I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
