i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
