I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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